You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
