uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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