Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
