I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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