I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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