I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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