it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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