I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
