Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
