I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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