saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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