Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
