I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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