i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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