This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
