the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
