My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
