During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
