Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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