his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
