He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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