She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
