There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
