She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
