we're blogging at a bar
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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