Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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