We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize