ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
