i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize