I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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