All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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