i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
