I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
