chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
