They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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