Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
