Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
