you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
