There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
