She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
