I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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