My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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