left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
