new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
