i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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