Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
