walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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