I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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