I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So many bounce houses so little time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
