Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
