doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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