i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
