I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
