I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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