I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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