I think I died a long time ago.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
