I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
