Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
