no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
