Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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