So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
