Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
