My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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