Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
