I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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