True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He felt like a one man threesome
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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