I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
