There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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