My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
