I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
