if you like me you must not know who I am
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
