tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
