He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
