don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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