just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
