fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
